i wear my trauma
like a badge over my heart
an enamel pin that tells the world
i have seen hell, and i am still here
i wear my trauma
like a badge over my heart
an enamel pin that tells the world
i have seen hell, and i am still here
i have survived
sometimes i am protected
my privilege
a white blanket
that paints me
non threatening
in the eyes of strangers
in the eyes of cops
at least until they get a little closer
close enough to see my fuzzy chin and painted nails
hear the depth of my voice that cracks and breaks
like a twelve year old boy
up close, they can’t quite categorize me
up close, i can feel their confusion
confusion turns into hatred so quickly nowadays
i am hiding myself
more and more
hiding the parts of me
it has taken
twenty years to accept
twenty years to love
i am hiding myself
because i am afraid
there is hatred brewing down south
but i’ll be damned if there isn’t that same hatred right here
right next door the bigot is getting braver
now he can preach his gospel outright
instead of posting it anonymously
on internet forums as kekistanincel69
getting praised in centrist think pieces
as the progressive alt-right instead of neo nazi scum
young women who aren’t quite feminists wear their pussy hats
sip coffee from a mug labelled male tears
made by children in sweatshops a world away
scoff at incarcerated brown mothers because
why would you bring a child over the border illegally?
and aren’t the kardashians just so talented
building an empire on modern day blackface?
exclusionary radical feminists
kick trans women to the curb for daring to claim
a space in their sisterhood
shun them for overperforming or underperforming
and yet are allowed to lead the parades founded
on marsha and major and sylvia’s legacies
talented actors and actresses get oscars and emmys
for putting on our identities like a mask
because it’s a challenge to play a transgender character
so why should a transgender actor get the part?
better give it to the woman who’s made smirking in digital yellow face an art form
or the sexual predator
or the wannabe rock star who flirts with his underage fans
and sent bullets to viola
so how are we to live then?
when we are stuck between
a rock and a hard place
we grab the rock stand together
because even if i am afraid that one day
someone’s confusion-turned-hatred will get me killed
i can use my blanket of privilege until it wears paper-thin
to build a safer space
for the ones who don’t have one yet
Author’s Statement
I am a proud transgender man. I am also white. I am still learning how my privilege and transness intersect, and how to use my privilege to uplift other voices while keeping myself safe from transphobic bigotry. This poem is influenced directly by my interactions with people online, including bigots who are given platforms under the guise of free speech, racist and transphobic feminist circles, and cisgender actors who are praised for playing transgender roles onscreen. This is a call to action to white people to unlearn our prejudices and work towards a more kind and safe future, to channel fury into something beneficial, and to uplift minority voices in the face of adversity.
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