Working Titles for Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

By 
Lucas Crawford

Abattoirs, Abortuaries, and America (HOO-RAH)

Bleach and Beer-Batters, Batman!

Camaro . . . Catchphrases . . . Catachresis . . .

Donkey-sauce; Donkey-sauce; Donkey-sauce

Ed (Hardy), Edibles (Hearty), and Existentialism (Har-Har-Hardly)

Food-Lube and Folksy Flatulence in Flavortown

Go Big; Go Home; Goatee

Holy-Moly-Stromboli, How Have I Watched 3 Hours of This?

I can’t go on, I’ll go on”

Jagged Little Swill

Kid Rock’s Bromantic Variety Show

Les Liasons Dangereuses de Lukewarm Leftovers, Listeria, and Lavatories

Motley ‘Cue™ Mansplainer and His Band the Hollandaise Malaise

Not Unless You’ve Lost the Remote Control

On the Road, Part Two: Outta-Bounds ‘n’ Off-the-Hook

Patriotic Pieholes and Postprandial Pain

Quinoa 

Rockabilly Reruns ↓—on Route 66—↓

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS

The Horror, The Challah.

Ubiquity, Umbrage, and Unguents

Velveeta, Vasectomies, and Valour

Wraparounds!

XTRA XTREME EGGZ BENEDICT

Y. No really. WHY. 24 seasons.

Zzzzzzzzz

Lucas Crawford is the outgoing Critic-in-Residence for CWILA and an incoming assistant professor of English at the University of New Brunswick. Lucas wrote Sideshow Concessions (Invisible Publishing, 2015), which won the Robert Kroetsch Award for Innovative Poetry. Lucas is from rural Nova Scotia.

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